There aren’t a lot of twenty-somethings talking about spirituality. There’s an unspoken idea to “have fun now, worry about that serious spiritual stuff later.” Like many, I put it on the back burner and didn’t think of it often. Its importance in my life has wavered, especially over the past 5 years as I’ve entered into adulthood. I would occasionally say nightly prayers, but the notion was repetitive and lacked intention. A big part of my personal distaste for spiritual connection came from being too prideful to rely on forces outside of my control. Living in full spiritual certainty also requires letting go of the egotistical pleasures that come from relying on worldly things for purpose. And well… there’s a lot that seems to promise purpose in your 20’s: finding a life partner, receiving a promotion, getting a raise. The list goes on and on. I wasn’t ready to let go of achievement and and the pursuit of perfection being my main sources of purpose.

Living in my twenties has felt like a time to rely endlessly on worldly recognition – working towards that promotion, trying to be a contender in the dating pool, maintaining a certain physique, having a thriving social life. These things, admittedly, feel pretty nice when you’re on top of the game. But ultimately you’re left pushing for whatever is next. Your promotion is exciting…. until it isn’t. Ultimately someone is always doing better (by worldly standards, that is).

While you settle into the short-lived comfort of your latest accomplishment, the rat race begins again for the next thing that will prove your worth and dictate your happiness. Owning a house, having the perfect decor, raising a family, making it look oh so great to others on the internet. The game is endless, and it’s one nobody can ever win.

Much like casinos, what nobody tells you about the game of your twenties is that you’re playing a game designed for you to lose. 

As someone who has been trying to “win” this game for most of her life, especially in my twenties, I can tell you it is not only unbelievably exhausting, it ultimately isn’t that rewarding. Why? Because it’s conditional.

Happiness built on condition always crumbles, I can promise you that. The system works like Jenga. You’re built tall until your foundation starts to crumble- and if you’ve ever played Jenga, it crumbles easily. A foundation based on a few measly wooden blocks that can easily be dislodged by a mistake, disappointment, failure, insecurity, heartbreak… isn’t a recipe for true happiness. 

True happiness can’t be built upon condition, it has to be built on a force much, much greater. The recognition and pleasure that come from accomplishing “the next thing” are fleeting and temporary. They always have been and always will be. You will never be fully satisfied. This lack of satisfaction, despite my life being really amazing on paper, led me to begin reconnecting with my spirituality. I was seeking a purpose far beyond what is worldly and knew I needed to start seeking other sources.

I pulled out a gratitude journal and began with the simple practice of writing in it for 10 minutes a day. It was the first step in dusting the cobwebs off something I once knew. It became addicting. Not the unhealthy addiciton of egotistical, wordly pleasures. The kind of addiction of finding pure, innocent happiness and chasing it further. There is something so still and peaceful about channeling this energy. It doesn’t require as much work or strain as I thought it would. Even though I am learning that oftentimes human inclination is to lean into fear and negativity – it is rather simple to change our intention and being to manifest optimism, security, strength, and love. I am committing my life towards those intentions and living in fearless certainty, from here on out, that God and the positive flow of spiritual energy will guide me to be exactly where I need to be. 

My accomplishments are so dull in comparison to the unlimited peace, confidence and completely solid foundation of a spiritual reliance. The soul I become when I’m accessing this gift tells me I’m exactly where I need to be. This truth becomes oh so clear and apparent when you take the time to tune in. Re-forming this commitment to loving energy and faith has already made me feel lighter, more relaxed, at ease and purposeful. It’s unconditional and unyielding. It doesn’t care if you have 6 pack abs or a sexy boyfriend if you’re a corporate businessperson or a no-name Joe- it’s built on love in its purest form. A love that picks you up and carries you whether you’re in first place or last and a love that flows through you so effortlessly that you make the world a better place just by being you. It’s available to all of us if we just tune in.